There is so much crap going on around the holidays. We’ve got parties, dinners, gifts to buy, not to mention the 6 birthdays my family celebrates. Add that on top of your usual jobs, kids and regularly scheduled programming and you’ve got enough stress to refill your Xanax prescription before insurance kicks in. Thankfully you’ve stumbled on Lazybabymama and I’m ready to share some tips on how to cut corners, tone down and have a more relaxing, lazy holiday. Follow my steps and you’ll have a lazy Christmas worth remembering. This ain’t no Martha Stewart blog over here so don’t expect lifelong keepsakes or raves about your baking. But you can expect to make some memories because holidays are not about stress and anxiety, they’re about having fun and hopefully getting lazy.
Well 11 months have gone by in the blink of an eye. I know you’ve missed me but I’ve been busy lounging around relaxing all day getting pedicures and what not – yeah right. I may not be hitting the salon but I’m getting the hang of it. Though, I never realized how much attention the girls and I would get while we were out and about. I’ve gotten somewhat used to the stares and the pointing and “awing” but the questions always amuse me. Here is a random sampling of the questions I get asked by strangers almost every day.
Yay blogging! It’s been awhile. The twins finally nap on schedule, which means I have time to write. Here is what we have so far:
Ali wants a bunk be for her 5th birthday. Sure all kids deserve the right to have a palace in the sky. I’m more than happy with the idea of saving space. There’s only one problem: Ali can’t climb a ladder.
I think that anyone who knows me would agree that I love my sister. I admire her for all she has endured in her life, more than any human being should ever have to. I consider her to have well above average intelligence, and her opinion carries great weight with me. Having said all that, let us now dispense with the bull. My sister did something recently that seems incomprehensible to me. Something so ridiculous, that this story practically writes itself.
It started early one morning. I was sitting in my car when the phone rang. It was my sister calling me to tell me that she was on her way to the emergency room. Generally, that piece of information would send a caring brother into a panic; send his mind racing, thinking of all the dreadful possibilities. Unfortunately, I have received so many of these phone calls over the years that I have become jaded in my reaction. So I calmly asked her, “what’s wrong”, thinking it was my nephew or my brother in law who was en route to the hospital. It was then that my sister said the following sentence to me. “I’ve glued my eye shut with nail glue”. Taking a moment to digest what I had just heard, my reply was simply “Why?” She told me that she had mistaken her eye drops for the nail glue, the bottles being the same size and shape. So what was my next question you ask? “Why on earth would you keep such bottles in close proximity?” to which she replied, “I knew which was which, and I would never make a mistake like this.” To which I replied, “Are you listening to yourself right now?”
After being referred to an ophthalmologist, by an incredulous ER staff doctor, she was most unhappy to find out that he couldn’t get her eye open. He tried to dissolve some of the glue, and also had to remove her eyelashes (I’m glad I didn’t see her until they grew back, sisters can be scary enough!). After a few days of warm compresses, and another trip back to the doctor, he was finally able to open her eye again. He reiterated to her how truly fortunate she was as to not suffer any permanent damage to her eye. He explained to her that if this had been gorilla-glue, she very well may have lost her eye. All things considered, she escaped unscathed. Well, except for the jokes.
My sister has four children, each of them different, each of them possessing a unique, strong sense of humor. You are probably reading this story published on the blog of my niece Kelly, a talented writer and comedienne. People who are funny and quick witted do not need ammunition of this sort. Let’s just say the jokes were rapid-fire, and relentless. Naturally the fact that she had no permanent damage had a great deal to do with that. I told her it’s probably a good deal to keep those bottles separate with an “EYE” to the future. I told my brother in law to always keep his “EYE” on her to avoid this from happening again. She had to briefly wear an eye patch for the few days she was incapacitated. (Insert your own generic pirate joke here). I asked her if she wanted a parrot for her birthday matey. This obviously could have been much worse. I am thrilled of course that she has fully recovered. Still yet, I find it hard to believe that this actually happened. What is the moral of this story you ask? For my sister, it is try not to do anything this stupid again as a member of our family. Perhaps more importantly, for everyone, NEVER juxtapose eyes drops and nail glue on your night stand!!!
Check out the dope article I did for College Humor.com!
Although I spend most of my time cowering indoors with the twins, every now and then I venture out into the world and I’m still amazed at the things I find. The other day I was at the mall with my mom trying to nail down some birthday gifts for my husband. We hit up Macy’s and were able to scoop up everything we needed in a single stop – completely essential when you have twins and a four year old who’s too big to be strapped into a stroller.
If someone would have told me I was to become a soccer coach in my middle age, I would surely have called them crazy. I hadn’t played soccer, watched soccer, or even picked up a soccer ball until I had my own children. When I was a child, it was baseball first, with football and basketball a distant second, and soccer not even on the radar. But as my young children began to take an interest in it, and then began playing it, I inevitably found myself in the position of assistant coach. After a season or two, I felt I could do it better, and decided to have my own team as head coach, which I did for five seasons. So with my two boys firmly ensconced in their respective travel soccer seasons, and myself in retirement, I though it would be fun to recall a few of my favorite moments as a recreation league soccer coach.
My twins sleep through the night. There, I said it. I cant believe it, in fact m afraid to type it because maybe its not real. I’m not sure how it happened and if it’s really happening or I’m just so sleep deprived I’ve been hallucinating this whole time. If it is real then I must take the time to thank those responsible for this tiny (and also huge) miracle.
Twins are great, but taking care of them is terrible. We’re three months in and it has been epic. I thought raising one baby was crazy. Ha! Wouldn’t that be a break! Instead of wallowing in responsibility I’ll look on the bright side and celebrate my tiny victories.
Twix tend to be a sore subject in my family’s house. It all started when Ali, Dan and I moved in with my parents. It wasn’t our first choice to move into their laundry room with our toddler but that period of rent-free living was just the financial boost we needed to move on and up. It was especially great for help with Ali. I was able to announce: “Hey I’m going to take a shower” and whoever was closest to Ali at the time was deemed responsible for her for the following 30 minutes. It was great.