We’re a month into this “stay at home mother” business and I think I may be starting to get the hang of it. Sure my days are ruled by a tyrannical two year-old, but it’s not all that bad. Here are some of the major changes I’ve undergone since I hung up the work pants and slipped on the apron:
o Wait; with that title did I imply that I could shower? Because that’s a lie. I no longer shower. I don’t feel bad if I smell; its not because I’m a smelly person, it’s just because I couldn’t shower. Also, it’s so hot out these days that I wear my hair up anyway, so why would I wash it? I should say it’s because I’m “green” or “trying to save money” but my water bill is included in my rent and I can’t leave that baby alone long enough to lather.
· Going to the Bathroom
o Intruders beware I now go to the bathroom with the door WIDE open. How else am I supposed to keep an eye on her? Its actually really liberating, I can stretch out. Its nice to know that no one is going to walk in on you since you never closed the door in the first place. This change can get tricky though, I went to my parents house the other day and went to the bathroom, just before I was about to get it started I realized the door was open. Thankfully I closed it before anyone saw that my fly was open.
· Business Lunch
o Yep, no such thing as lunch. I’m lucky if I can carry around an easy mac while I chase after her. I remember I used to have a whole hour for lunch and I would complain when it was time to go back to work. Sometimes I used to take a nap during lunch; it was wonderful. Not so much anymore. Now my lunches are spent in the kitchen eating whatever cold leftovers I can find off of Ali’s plate.
· TV time
o I think in some fantasy I thought when I was home with my daughter I’d have a half hour to spare to catch up on my favorite HGTV programming. I have a better shot at winning the lottery. My TV is permanently fixed on Nick Junior and my DVR is filled with SpongeBob, Dinosaur Train, Barney and of course Umi Zoomi. I’d be lucky if I was able to sneak something PG in there just for my enjoyment. I find myself getting excited when a NEW episode of a cartoon is on because I haven’t already watched it 14 times.
· Wake up Call
o Turns out you don’t need an alarm clock to be up by 7am, just a baby. When I was working I didn’t wake up until at least 7:30. Now with all the hustle and bustle of city living Ali is awake and shining the second she hears the some idiot cab driver blaring on his horn.
Staying home with her is stressful but so far we’ve been having fun. She does forward rolls in the grass near our house (don’t worry I check it for dog poop). I’m the thinnest I’ve ever been from chasing after her and I’m the tannest I've ever been from going outside everyday. Sure I wake up early, but there is nothing like going to bed Sunday night relaxed, not frantically thinking of what I have to do at work tomorrow. All I have to worry about is whether Ali wants to go to the park before or after lunch.